Sometimes, we struggle. And sometimes, I doubt Him. Honestly, I do. A few days ago, I was chatting with an old childhood friend who is in a similar position in life, and we talked about how this is not what we expected. We both expected and planned to meet our future husbands in college and blissfully walk down the aisle toward our handsome men of God by the age of 22 (at the latest.) That's just what we prayed for, and dreamed of. But God did not see fit to answer that prayer in the way we would have liked. Being 26 and unmarried is certainly not the end of the world. And just because I did not "plan" this timetable, does not mean I am unhappy or missing out....I trust that God had a bigger plan than I had, and there is joy in that! Not everyone is supposed to get married in their late teens or in college. It's okay to be single, it's not a bad thing or a curse! But as my friend and I chatted, we realized we truly are the last ones in our groups of friends who are unmarried.
It's not that there's really a lack of guys. Just a lack of "the" guy. There are many good men out there, but when you tell God (as I did at the age of 13) "I want one man, one man only and I want You to pick him out." You must be prepared that a lot of waiting may be part of the deal, and it's sometimes, it's not a cake walk. Waiting for the right guy at the right time may not happen overnight and sometimes waiting is a challenge.
Feeling this way does not mean you're desperate. My friend and I chatted about how we could have chosen to marry several different guys in the past, we could choose to "settle" now and get married to someone just for the sake of it, even if we knew it was settling. And don't get me wrong - sometimes, being single is pretty dang fabulous. Things like sleeping in, going out with girlfriends whenever you want to, spending extra money on cute clothes and coffee shop lattes, spending free time serving people or pursuing fun hobbies, whipping up your favorite snack for dinner and watching your favorite TV show in bed are all perks. In many ways, it is a beautiful opportunity - the freedom to pick up and go without reservation. The unmarried can impulsively and whole-heartedly throw themselves into ministry and their passions. I have the freedom to leave the country for a mission's trip next week if God called! (Something a wife and mama are not really free to do.)
Yet, singleness can be lonely. It can be happy and fulfilling and really fun, but it can certainly be lonely. Sometimes, opening the mailbox and seeing another wedding invitation hurts. Sometimes, even though you're genuinely happy for your friends, seeing their families and baby bumps and homes grow can feel like a knife to the heart. Sometimes, the security of marriage and the thrill of over-the-moon love is all your heart desires. Sometimes, when a married friend complains about having to cook her hubby's dinner again or vacuum the floor, you want to scream because you dream of making dinner for the man of your dreams and would give your right arm to fold and iron his shirts. And sometimes, you cry yourself to sleep at night, praying for God to open the door and bring "the one."
There are seasons in singleness. Some days you are happily going solo and embracing all the good and the learning, but some days are more difficult and loneliness colors the hours.
And in the past days, as the latter has been true for me, I heard this song and was reminded and encouraged by the truth of it.... have a listen. And read the lyrics below -
And a few snapshots and inspirations from my last week. Follow my feed! I post daily inspirations and photos from everyday life - search erin_sweetnessitselfblog on Instagram